Catch up Post - Since July...

Colleague on phone: "Your email was long so I decided not to read it"
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During a rapid back and forth over drinks, a vendor sales person leans into the boss, points to a colleague and says:

"You need a drug profile on that one"
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As we were discussing working hiearchies, it came up that reporting to different genders was sometimes a challenge, a colleague said:

"Women on women is tough"

Dave would have had a field day...
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Several colleagues were at a fellow colleagues social event.

One colleague starts imitating the way another dances at clubs (open handed, fist pumping. Kind of like a b!tch slap.)

She says, "This is how (colleague #2) dances. It's like...like...what's that called...fisting...?"

Colleague #2 says, "No. It's like when you PALM a basketball. Palming..."

Clients...

Colleague - "*Vendor lead* – Go upgrade yourself.”

IM notes

Colleague 1: I want you to want to do it
Colleague 2: I want to take a nap, I want to eat ice cream all day long, I want some uninhibited fun time with Jessica Love Hewitt...
Colleague 1: Thank god I was on mute

Facilities

Me:  Do you have a minute to talk?  Just a minute because I have to go to the bathroom

Colleague 1:  My cube is not a bathroom.

Colleague 2:  Good to define scope.

Polish Food

Me:  You are always promising to bring us good food, but where is it?

Vendor Colleague: We were just in Canada and I was stopped for a search.  They were looking for kielbasa, you know, and I only have one.

Flexibility

Contractor: Am I right in assuming you want your service to be more flexible?  Like dealing in points, miles, toenails.

Contracts!

Vendor:  We'd like to make sure we have a say in who you assign your responsibility to

Me:  We're a large company.  Not many companies are going to buy us and we're not likely to be spun off.

Vendor:  We just want to be protected if you are bought by a porn company.

Sales...

Colleague 1 : telephone rings..."this is ----...hello hello"....

Colleague 1 (again):  picks up dials cell phone; work line begins ringing...... "this is ---- ..hello hello...." OH MY GOD I JUST CALLED MYSELF!!!

New Relationships

Colleague 1: You really think we are in the running for this.

Colleague 2: It’s like me trying to pick up Heidi Klum at a bar. Ain’t happening. Having said that, I’m willing to try because I might be her type!

Colleague 1: to quote chris rock…..

“All these years I sat at home wishing I could nail Heidi Klum, then she goes out and marries Seal. And I'm pissed….Who knew, I definitely could’ve nailed her. I am way better looking then Seal”

How Old Am I?

Colleague 1:  You know we're getting old when we start talking about all the injuries and surgeries we've all had.

Colleague 2:  yeah, I recently tore my ACL heli-sking

Vendor Colleague:  I once bent over too far putting my underwear on and threw my back out.

Symposium

   Me:  'I've been up since 4 and I'm exhausted'

   Colleague:  'this is a conference.  You're here to have fun, dammit'

   Client: 'you should get on the floor and dance'

   Me: 'I'm not a good dancer'

   Vendor colleague:  'I'll take off my shirt and dance if you want me to'