Me: Do you have a minute to talk? Just a minute because I have to go to the bathroom
Colleague 1: My cube is not a bathroom.
Colleague 2: Good to define scope.
Polish Food
Me: You are always promising to bring us good food, but where is it?
Vendor Colleague: We were just in Canada and I was stopped for a search. They were looking for kielbasa, you know, and I only have one.
Vendor Colleague: We were just in Canada and I was stopped for a search. They were looking for kielbasa, you know, and I only have one.
Flexibility
Contractor: Am I right in assuming you want your service to be more flexible? Like dealing in points, miles, toenails.
Contracts!
Vendor: We'd like to make sure we have a say in who you assign your responsibility to
Me: We're a large company. Not many companies are going to buy us and we're not likely to be spun off.
Vendor: We just want to be protected if you are bought by a porn company.
Me: We're a large company. Not many companies are going to buy us and we're not likely to be spun off.
Vendor: We just want to be protected if you are bought by a porn company.
Sales...
Colleague 1 : telephone rings..."this is ----...hello hello"....
Colleague 1 (again): picks up dials cell phone; work line begins ringing...... "this is ---- ..hello hello...." OH MY GOD I JUST CALLED MYSELF!!!
New Relationships
Colleague 1: You really think we are in the running for this.
Colleague 2: It’s like me trying to pick up Heidi Klum at a bar. Ain’t happening. Having said that, I’m willing to try because I might be her type!
Colleague 1: to quote chris rock…..
“All these years I sat at home wishing I could nail Heidi Klum, then she goes out and marries Seal. And I'm pissed….Who knew, I definitely could’ve nailed her. I am way better looking then Seal”
Colleague 2: It’s like me trying to pick up Heidi Klum at a bar. Ain’t happening. Having said that, I’m willing to try because I might be her type!
Colleague 1: to quote chris rock…..
“All these years I sat at home wishing I could nail Heidi Klum, then she goes out and marries Seal. And I'm pissed….Who knew, I definitely could’ve nailed her. I am way better looking then Seal”
How Old Am I?
Colleague 1: You know we're getting old when we start talking about all the injuries and surgeries we've all had.
Colleague 2: yeah, I recently tore my ACL heli-sking
Vendor Colleague: I once bent over too far putting my underwear on and threw my back out.
Symposium
Me: 'I've been up since 4 and I'm exhausted'
Colleague: 'this is a conference. You're here to have fun, dammit'
Client: 'you should get on the floor and dance'
Me: 'I'm not a good dancer'
Vendor colleague: 'I'll take off my shirt and dance if you want me to'
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